Time well spent

It's already 12:17 in the morning and half the world has said more clever things than me. Words and I don't get along half as well as the half-digested burrito in my stomach and I do. I suppose I am not endowed with the talent to write. But, this I already knew going into graduate school. sociology was/is an artless writer's friend.

I cannot decide
between being deaf or blind
which one suits me best?

I ask myself this question several times a week. "Would you rather be 6'0 or tone-deaf?" "How about a gifted writer who can't hear?" Certainly, getting a PhD in English would be easier. But so would playing basketball.

I think I'm neither funny nor nice. Ron hinted that folks in the department (who remain nameless) think I'm possibly a dick. I'm not sure if I'm possibly a dick or it's possible they do/n't think these things of me. I don't really care, I suppose. The people whom I suspect of these feelings have been a disappointing addition to the department.

i'm still running and lifting on a regular basis. tomorrow i have to write five pages and sunday and monday i must write ten. there must be an easier way to do all this. i'm thinking these thoughts may cohere soon. truthfully, i'm a bit worried about the structure of this paper. what the hell am i trying to do with the frankenstein bit? it seems so freshmen high school to do something on that book...

something is gnawing at me with regard to the voice. it at once seems interesting and completely trite. i feel like for it to be an interesting project i have to be much smarter than i am at this point in time. this means, most likely, that someone will beat me to it. no matter...i'm pretty good at finding interesting ideas to articulate poorly.

so what i think i want to say is this:
the voice plays an important role in your ability to be recognized as a human subject. however, several people downplay the importance of identity markers that transmit along with tambre, vibration, pitch, etc...cavarero has a great idea about devocalizing logos in the service of a relational politics, but in reality her project could never materialize. dolor claims the voice is an object--an excess from the somethingorother. i still can't get a handle on his book in enough time for this project. what makes cavarero's omission interesting and useful is thinking about instances where the voice does matter and should matter. frankenstein is interesting because it speaks to the anxieties around transbodies/voices. frankenstein is not considered human by society because his physical appearance prohibits his "intercourse" with other human beings. thus, he learns the language of the people around him by listening first to the unique properties that are transmitted from one body to his. he figures he will be able to present himself to the blind old man via his voice, first. This instance resonates with the Biblical story of Abraham (or whatever) when he gives his blessing to the wrong son on his death bed. In this instance, his voice masks the monstrosity that makes him "unreadable" to other human beings.

anyway, i need to go to bed. i'm sure the more i write the more will become clear. tomorrow i'll look at several instances in frankenstein that deal with the materiality of the voice versus the content of the speech. hopefully M will drive safely home and tomorrow will be a good running day. some day, hopefully, i will get a job and make some money.